Learn to balance life?

I've been trying to balance my life lately
another fun fact about me: I can't balance life..

I'm not one of those people who can have a million tasks coming at their way and they're still alive with everything done on the deadline.
Although I wish to be one of those people, but I have learnt that I can only consistently work on a particular activity for a small amount of time cos' you know it.. academics come first - especially when I'm coming from an asian background
Jk,
everything is about me and if I don't control how I work and keep my life balanced then it will just damage me and my future..not my parents

Hoping that I will...I shall committt myself in studies and

UGH UGH UGH. EWWWWWW!
I had the craziest dream last night!..it was so weird and...err UNDER-AGED ahaahaahha
=_________= I dreamt that I was gettin married....to a person who I don't like and I will be fosho' completely and honestly unhappy wit my life. But then at the same time, it was this random marriage competition with the groom that was showing live on t.v. I was competing it with these other brides (OK MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE I WATCHED BUBIOSITY'S FLIRTING THING WITH THE EMPEROR I CHINA)

the lady is soo ugray ahaha
-check the vid out-

They always say that you dream about the last thing that's on your mind or the most distinctive thing....idk
ahaha..as I was saying - I was compeeting with a bunch of bridezillas for the groom AND some sort of luxury honeymoon..wedding prize if the groom picks me. But I was more like struggling if I should pick the groom to be my forevaa partner in greatness ==". I told myself yes because I liked him..in a non-intimate way? But then in the end I said no because I had to choose what's best for myself - and that dream completely freaked me out..somehow (You gotta experience it to know it ahah) and the moral to the dream is :D...that I'm an easy person when it comes to love
..and I should put myself first and know what is right for me (:

Jenna and Alaric from Vamp Diaries

I'm kinda like the Jenna to the Logan in vampire diaries..sighh
Logan tells Jenna how "When it's a maybe, it's always one stage closer to a yes"...something like that.

Miss Ann, you give in too easily.
): I don't wanna give in too easily, I wanna be a strong independent black woman! HEHE

DANCE.

argh, so I have to write about a two min speech about why I love dance for my showcase.

I actually don't know...if you asked me why I loved it a year or two ago then I would explain to you how dance is my therapist, my drug - how it frees me from stress and the world. It's an excuse to find freedom and to interact with myself. (I have discovered that I use it as a path to know more about myself) I love it because it gives me hope and meaning in life. When you perform on stage, you can become a completely different character and society won't judge you for that - you can act like the bully at school, the crazy maniac or even the sexy girl you see on tv and no one will judge you for that. Dance reminds me of my childhood... it reminds me of the naive little girl who was so determined to follow my dream. It is the mould to my sculpture of becoming who I am. One year, my parents made me quit dancing because of distraction to study and how it's a 'hobby' to my life. That year, I lost myself. I was constantly bored and upset, I felt like I had nothing to do with my life..and  I no longer knew the definition of who "ann" was because I lost myself. My friendship and the way I act changed all around me - I wasn't the same. But what I learnt from that mistake was - I won't let anything get in the way of what I love and I managed to get back to dancing and this year - I was able to find my hunger for dance again.



Yeah..after writing that, I helped myself a lot more to discover what I love about dance.
The reason why I say 'a year or two ago' is cos' I have a lot of things blocked within me atm, and I need to free it to think.

Dear God - Welcome

ARGH ARGH ARGH! women and their periods!
THIS IS WHAT I HATE ABOUT BEING A WOMAN. MOOD SWINGS MOOD SWINGS, can I control it? I don't even realise when I'm having mood swings so how can I control it?! I've been throwing everyone away! ): I just feel like being alone..but at the same time, I want someone to talk to! I've met a lot of great people the past few days, discovered more about the people I already knew and faced many challenges from my all-time time consumer - dance. I went to church today, it was amazing! I felt like crying....the pastor really knows what he was talking about and I guess I'll just call her the healer...(:
She prayed for me, and she knew EXACTLY what was going on in my life. like...so accurate to the extent where I was nearly in tears (I've spoken to others that has experienced that feeling) it was fascinating, and I just love the great vibe within the church. I've decided to accept God into my life..well still trying.
Pretty ironic actually, because I said that I wanted someone to talk to (- but I just don't know who) and I'm talking about God where he/she can come into my heart when I can be talking to God! ahaha..yeahh

But Blogger!/God, I'M THROWING EVERYONE AWAY D; - like I'm being so mean to everyone, I don't want to talk to them and I feel like they're not worth talking to ...? (cos God is the one that's worth talking to) hahaha, D;; I even said something mean to someone a few secs ago..farout they got pissed at me ):)

....Sighh..Pls guide me to become a better person and understand others more.

Annd..I really don't like my jealousy side of me to come out during dance.

Love Ann.

oh ello imaginary friend..

Can I talk to you?
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
According to noughts and crosses by Malorie Blackman - Stephy mentions whoever wrote that saying must have came from his/her armpit ..something like that
and I kind of agree, because words are hurting me right now and should I ignore it?
Because if I ignore it, it will just come flying back ....sighh..
asian parents and their words that turn into sticks and stones which do break my bones.

Being dumb and other stupid mistakes

I think too much. The consequence of this action will make me make stupid mistakes in tests, assignments - the list goes on. Whenever there's a simple e.g maths equation, I think beyond that equation and try to put myself into that equation, work the equation backwards and talk to myself about the equation.......to solve the answer.

..Then I start getting stressed and my brain becomes filled with chemicals which will shorten ma life D;

I suppose stress has been a big thing to resolve problems in our family. To be stressed is the answer. To be happy makes you dumb.


-OMG EXAACRAAY-
Haven't heard from Nat in ages...