FCUK.

WOW, I haven't blogged in awhile.
And even if i usually do, no one really frckn cares.

It's like talking to myself, this is a little corner for me to procrastinate about my everyday life, and blogging can also improve your english ..not that my english has been better, it still sucks.

What do you do when you feel like the world's against you? Not that I feel like the world is against me or anything but... I feel empty...
It's the holidays. And everyday as life goes on and on, I feel like I'm getting no where with my future. I want to explore, do some random crap to make this year worthwhile ..well so far, it's been great. But not so great. 2 weeks of holz has gone already, and I feel like for the past 2 weeks I've done nothing but sit in my room. Well life feels like shit atm and all i can say is 'FCUK'. I feel bored and tired, and lonely. I'm very confused.. but most of all, I'm a loner. I'm saying this because I feel lonely.....
.I've been going out with friends in the holidays but that doesn't resolve anything. Not that people has been rejecting me, but more like I've been rejecting them these holidays, because I feel confused. Whenever I'm down, I normally find a way out to be happy again by talking to people, but that doesn't work anymore. I've de-activated my facebook, avoided talking to anyone online and simply locked myself out from this world and have been staying in my room for the whole time. ..what am I looking for? Love. family love,  friend love..what is it? Or maybe, it's the depressed feeling I still have after finishing the whole series of the Hunger Games because I just absolutely love it. But ofc, that's not it. There's no one to talk to to simply stop myself from feeling very down but blog about it on here.   (But what I am afraid of is blogging about it too much that whoever reads this will find me weird. baha ^_^)

I'm a bitch.
I'm a stupid, self-centered, ignorant bitch.
I know I am one, because I've been treating people like they are crap.
Normally I'd get back up from these problems and try to fix things but I no longer will because no matter what, I end up being a selfish bitch as usual. Maybe it's just my hormones -part of my "puberty"- haha wat puberty? XD . but I've been emotional as ever, I cry a lot from time to time for no reason. I feel much more sensitive than I've ever been so I get hurt really easily.

...
I've stopped dancing.

Without dancing, I feel like nothing. Not being able to do something I really love feels terrible/miserable. It's so hard to start again, because of random family stuff going on, but that doesn't mean I should just give up.

And another depressing thing to add onto my list of worries. I feel like I'm on the edge of tempting to leave my school, because private schools is definitely not my thing. After all these years of being in that school I've felt great and safe with the learning and everything but I don't feel like ME. and I don't feel connected to people around me.

<3 chu~